Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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