i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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