sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
