i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
