we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
