You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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