You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
