i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
