Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sorry about my life...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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