Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
