yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
