Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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