'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
