Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
