He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize