Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
