I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
