Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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