On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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