i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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