Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
