Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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