I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
