I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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