dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize