I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
