She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
