Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
