a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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