i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
