Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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