:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
