my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
