i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize