Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
