Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
