There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The adults are the big ones right?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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