with your own penis?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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