No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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