I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize