when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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