Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
