just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
