i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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