I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize