you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
