You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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