i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
