im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
