Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
