They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
