my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
