oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
