she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
