What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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