Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
