im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize