You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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