Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
