dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I enjoy the company of your penis
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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