A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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