I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
