I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
