some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
