Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
