This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
