how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
