The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
