he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
