We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
