Pappa wants mamma naked
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
