All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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