2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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